Chronically late friend to show up at 7:00 PM for an 8:00 PM party to avoid lateness, she shows up early for once and proceeds to throw a tantrum: 'I thought I'd try to tell you an earlier time so you could get here on time'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Sep 29, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

What is the best way to deal with that friend of yours who is always late?

You know the one I'm talking about. They're often flustered, disorganized, and messy. They frequently have chaotic days, and they rarely take into account the fact that you have your own schedule. You probably have received texts from this person that they're running behind just as you sit down at the restaurant. You might even check their location on Find My Friends to corroborate their "story" that they're stuck in traffic, only to discover that they just left their apartment. 

The waiter comes over and asks if it's just dinner for one, but you assure him that your friend is on their way. They're just running late. 20 more minutes pass and you decide that you might as well order something while you wait. You see a number of other customers waiting to be seated at the restaurant and start to feel guilty because you might be holding them up. Finally, your friend arrives and you put on a smile and pretend like it wasn't a big deal. Deep inside, however, you are seething. Your friend doesn't know this, but all you're whispering to yourself in your mind as they babble on is that this is the last time the two of you are getting dinner. But then you go home, you sleep it off, and the next time your friend suggests that you grab a bite, you go through the whole rigamarole all over again.

This author decided to finally do something about her chronically late friend, but let's just say that it backfired pretty quickly.

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  • "[Am I wrong] for telling my chronically-late friend the wrong time so they would show up on time...and then they actually got there early?"

    A woman in a yellow sweater apologizes to her friend while they both sit on the couch. The friend, wearing a red sweater, looks away with a look of diapproval.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It turns out that when you tell someone to arrive earlier than they need to (thinking that they'll arrive late), you're still taking a risk. This author's friend ended up being offended that she was told to show up an entire hour before the party actually began because, for once, she actually made it on time. Still, this author shouldn't feel sorry. Now, the friend had to wait for a while until more people arrived, just like the author had to do for her countless times.

  • I have a chronically late friend who shows up 15-45mins late to everything, 90% of the time. Usually she'll send a text that she'll be late, but she sends it when she should already be there/a few minutes before the agreed time and it's soooo annoying.
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  • Things have improved a bit when a few months ago, I told her that for a recent hangout we had, if I hadn't reminded them/pushed back the time, I would have shown up on time
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  • and would have been waiting for them and those kind of things are annoying, could she text when she'll know she'll be leaving the house so I can arrive the same time as her?
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  • She's been doing that, which has been helpful. But it doesn't change the fact that she still has to show up late than the time we agreed to (which sometimes forces me to push
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  • back my other plans) so I decided to test some advice I've seen people often recommend online for late people: tell them an earlier time.
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  • I hosted a gathering at my place last week and told my friend to come at 7 and told everyone else separately to come at 8. My friend actually got there at 7 for the first time ever.
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  • When she asked where was everyone, I said, "Well, you usually come late to things, so I thought I'd try to tell you an earlier time so you could get here on time." My friend then told me she had other she could have done if I hadn't told her the wrong time and was noticeably p ed with me the rest of the night.
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  • I later got a text from her that she's bothered with what I did and found my actions passive aggressive and childish. I feel like common advice of how to handle late friends completely blew up in my face. AITA?
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  • Two women, one wearing a red sweater and the other wearing a yellow sweater, clink wine glasses while laughing.
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  • Trick_Delivery4609 • 21h ago NTA "good. Now you see how the rest of us feel"
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  • robto... . 21h ago Edited 21h ago "My friend then told me she had other she could have done if I hadn't told her the wrong time" And what did she say when you told her that is effectively the identical situation she puts you in every time you arrive on time and she's 45 minutes late and that she's now upset only after being in that situation once?
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  • Actually, this is still a better situation than she puts you in. At least when it happened to her, you were already there, so she did not have to wait alone.
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  • ladystetson • 21h ago NTA. Pro-tip. When you tell one person to come earlier, never admit it straight out. You just let them wait for everyone else and then they can know how everyone feels waiting for them.
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  • nasn... . 21h ago Edited 19h ago NTA. But we just stopped waiting on our late friend. We move on w our life and when she shows up an hour late and asks where we are we tell her we already left or are in the movie actively watching, or inside the amusement park, or eating dinner. We don't wait on late.
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friendship aita AITAH friends entitled people karma Party mildly infuriating late entitled people
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